Couples Therapy: How to Stay Close After Baby
I've been with my husband for over 10 years and we have a 7 year old together and our second baby due in August. When I was pregnant with. Advice for new parents on coping with changing relationships, both as a couple and with friends and family, plus what to do if you're a victim of domestic abuse. Most fathers get this feeling only after the child is born when they hold We have listed a couple of reasons for relationships falling apart while.
Without all that energy expended read: Here's advice from experts as well as couples in the trenches on why this transition is so hard and what you can do to smooth things out. Chore Overload The issue: Domestic duties double, and so does your bickering.The Simple Question that Can Repair a Broken Relationship - SuperSoul Sunday - Oprah Winfrey Network
Of course, before there was a baby, there was still laundry. And dishes, and other loathsome household tasks. But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly. You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant. Well, I did that, so you do this. One strategy to decrease infighting: Post a list of daily chores on the fridge and switch responsibilities each week. Everyone will know what he or she needs to do.
So if you think that you're always doing 90 percent of everything, you probably are. Just remember, so is your spouse. But men often respond better to direct requests. I know it might not seem fair because you may never get thanks, but this will make your husband more receptive to future requests.
And niceties breed a less combative atmosphere. Moreover, it might be catching! Parenting Styles The issue: Your parenting styles cancel each other out. It's nice to think you'd share child-rearing philosophies, but it's often hard to predict how you'll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you're smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby. This is not the ideal time to discover that while you favor a sleep-training method that lets your child cry, your spouse really can't deal with tears for any amount of time.
You may also find that your parenting styles clash as you reach for the pacifier at the first sign of distress softie while your partner says no sternly when the baby starts to drum with spoons on the high-chair tray toughie.
My friends Tina and Tim Anson discovered that they differed on just about everything when it came to the baby. And he lets naps happen anywhere, anytime, too. I'd come home to see Jake sleeping in the middle of a circle of toys on the living room floor at dinnertime! Ditto for scheduled naps. Parenting Styles Explained What worked for them was letting the other deal with the consequences of his or her method. When Tim had to stay up with Jake until all hours on a night when the baby took a 5 p.
Similarly, the day Tina attempted unsuccessfully to play with Jake at his play stations while also doing some housework, she realized that having the baby play in the laundry room may be a small price to pay for actually getting the clothes washed. On more serious issues, such as sleeping or feeding, there are ways to compromise, too. For certain things—such as when to start solids—you need to follow set guidelines.
Talk to your pediatrician about what's recommended. For issues such as sleep i. Pinterest "We were locked in a power struggle. Louis Parents of Henry, 1 The conflict During her leave, Megan, 31, worked to get Henry into a healthy sleeping and feeding routine, and she expected Greg, also 31, to follow her lead. When she corrected him, it set off loud arguments that often ended in Megan's giving Greg the silent treatment. The couple also bickered about chores, because Megan wanted more help around the house.
Her side "I didn't know anything about babies, so I read a lot of books. I wanted Henry to develop good habits. It was so frustrating that Greg didn't take me seriously -- until his own way failed, and then he reluctantly gave in.
Why Do So Many Couples Break Up After Having a Baby?
We wasted time trying things I knew wouldn't work -- like letting Henry stay up so we could all go out to dinner. Greg's ideas weren't unreasonable, but we had different notions about what was best.
Besides, who said books have all the answers? The real problem was that we have very different personalities: Unlike Megan, I fly by the seat of my pants. She liked that about me before we became parents, but once Henry arrived, she thought he'd be scarred forever if he got off schedule. During the first few months of his life, we constantly went to bed angry.
New moms often feel as if their husbands are ill-informed or less experienced, and so they become critical to maintain the routine that they believe works. Most men don't learn about baby care until after their baby has arrived. The sooner expectant dads are schooled, the better, Marter says. Encourage your partner to attend doctor's appointments and prenatal classes with you.
You can even look into an expectant fathers' class -- they're offered at a growing number of hospitals, community centers, and faith-based organizations nationwide. Read books together or watch our baby-care videos at americanbaby.
Why Do So Many Couples Break Up After Having a Baby? | Babble
Make tough decisions as a team and stick to them. How they're doing now At about 3 months, Henry started sleeping through the night, and many of the Haupts' disputes were resolved on their own.
- How to Stay Close After Baby
- Saving Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
Megan's complaints about Greg slacking off were enough to motivate her husband to pick up the pace when it came to diaper changes and laundry. For info, visit BBHonline. In fact, some studies on happiness and marriage have found that after the birth of a child, overall satisfaction with the relationship declines for most couples. This is especially pronounced after the birth of the first child, fairly understandable since this is usually a new experience for one or both parents.
Many couples manage to learn from the experience, recovering their relationship and go on to be partners for life.
Or until some other bigger stressor finally drives them apart. In any case, it might be handy to know some of the signs that the relationship is in danger. If the issues behind these signs go unaddressed, chances are that the dynamic duo is going to split some time soon. But if both parties are willing to sit down and talk about them, well, there just might be hope. It will be natural that one or both of the partners will be spending extended periods of time with the baby.
10 Signs Your Relationship or Marriage is Falling Apart
The baby does need plenty of care, after all. If left unaddressed, this can lead to resentment and, perhaps, the partner spending less time on the relationship as a result. Fortunately, however, there is an easy fix for this.
Simply looking for ways to getting him involved in child care should make everyone feel better.