Feeling lonely can leave you wondering if there's something wrong with your relationship but finding a way to talk about how you feel can help to bring you both. A year-old says his relationship makes him miserable. So why does he stay?. Being single can feel lonely, but being in a relationship can feel lonely, too. If you' re in a relationship but still feel like you're on your own.
Loneliness is a very painful feeling. When I'm working with a client who is struggling with a substance addiction, such as food or alcohol, and I ask them to look inside to see what feeling they are avoiding with the substance, the answer is often "loneliness.: You might believe that the people who feel lonely are people who are not in a relationship, but just as often, they are lonely in their relationship.
Feeling lonely in your relationship | Relate
Being in a relationship does not always take away loneliness -- it often causes it. Loneliness is the feeling we get in our heart and soul when we want to be connected with someone, and someone is not available to connect with.
This can certainly occur when we are alone, but it also occurs in relationships when one or both partners are unavailable for connection -- due to being angry, withdrawn, tired or ill.
Loneliness is not the same as aloneness. The empty feeling within of aloneness comes from various forms of self-abandonmentsuch as not attending to our feelings, judging ourselves, turning to various addictions to avoid our painful feelings, or making someone else responsible for our feelings.
We will always feel alone and abandoned when we are abandoning ourselves. We will also feel lonely when we are abandoning ourselves, because when we are not connected with ourselves, we cannot connect with another. Feeling both alone and lonely can lead to a deep experience of despair.
Just because we are alone does not mean we will feel that painful feeling of inner emptiness or loneliness. If we are loving and valuing ourselves, then we can thoroughly enjoy our solitude, and also connect with others when others are open to connection.
What Creates Loneliness in a Relationship? You may feel lonely with your partner if your heart is closed because you are protecting yourself from hurt with your anger or withdrawal. You cannot connect when you are closed and protected. You may feel lonely with your partner when your partner is closed and angry, or withdrawn and uncommunicative. You will feel lonely if your partner deliberately shuts you out with work, TV, food, alcohol, hobbies, the Internet and so on.
You may feel lonely when you are trying to have control over your partner's feelings by giving yourself up.
Are You Lonely in Your Relationship?
Being inauthentic in order to control how your partner feels about you does not lead to authentic connection. You may feel lonely with your partner when one or both of you are closed to learning when a conflict arises. The unwillingness to have open communication about important issues creates walls between you. You may feel lonely if you or your partner use your sexual relationship as a form of control. You will feel lonely if you or your partner stays up in your mind rather than being together with open hearts.
This might be a new job that limits the amount of time you can spend together.
Or it could be a big change in your relationship status, like moving in together, getting married, having kids or your children moving away. How do big life changes put us at risk of loneliness?
Changes in your life situation often mean different or greater pressures, which can leave you feeling like you need more support.
Changes in our lives can also alter the role we want our relationship to play in our life: It can be easy to slip into negative communication habits — such as freezing each other out or jumping to make accusations — over time these can wear away at your relationship and make you feel less close to one another.
When we feel betrayed, it can affect the relationship even more deeply than we might realise. Often, it takes years to identify and work out the damage done when one partner badly lets down the other. This can take place outside of any external influence — and can leaving you feeling surprised or disenchanted when it does occur. How does loneliness affect your relationship? This tends to be the way someone might phrase things after a period of analysis or soul searching. In reality, loneliness tends to express itself more indirectly.
You might find yourself feeling more annoyed with your partner: You may act a little childishly, start avoiding your partner or give them the silent treatment.
You may become less sexual and feel less attracted to them. This kind of feeling is actually one of the most common reasons for affairs: